I’ve been thinking about the concept of honesty for a while now. As kids, we are completely honest with our feelings. Be it fear, anxiety or hunger…you will always know with a child. As we grow we learn to pretend, to keep quiet, to nod when disagreeing, we welcome fear into our minds and hearts. And we stop being honest. And somehow this way of living goes too far…from lying to others to lying to ourselves.
We’ve all done it. Ran or lied while avoiding to hurt someone’s feelings. Avoiding to speak the truth which will surely initiate an awkward conversation. So when do we start lying to ourselves? Why are you in that relationship that you don’t even want to be in? Why are you smiling at him and crying yourself to sleep? Why be in a relationships that drown you? We allow it, yet deep down, we are unhappy. Ask yourself, are you being completely honest with yourself before making a step in a certain direction. Before committing to something or someone. Is this really what you want or are you afraid of loneliness? Are you afraid of rejection? Are you afraid that he/she will eventually see your insecurities? Are you afraid of being seen…deep down as you are. What is that demon that’s holding you back from opening up to yourself? What are you so afraid of?
Human beings are the worst and best at pretending. That ‘safe place ‘ will only lasts as long. The made-up-happy you will eventually have to deal with the real you. Then the “changes” start to appear and you start to hear how people claim others changed. How they were nicer before they got married. …enough about that.
Let your feelings and emotions help you. There is a reason why you feel that way.Embrace that fear and go right through it. Embrace that teenage feeling of a quick crush. Embrace wanting something and fight for it even if nobody gets you. Whichever the case, you won’t learn from someone else’s experience. Open yourself up to yourself. Dig deep down to your insecurities, your fears. Fight them and understand them. Then you will be stronger than before. If you’re not honest to yourself, how can you expect to be with others? Accept yourself first…There is something amazing about knowing yourself inside out. What you want, how you want it, how you deal with situations, when you’re wrong, when you’re right….when you’re honest with yourself.
Truly, Jem.
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