of Being Human.

I am inspired! Yes I am. That is a good thing. I cannot seem to stop writing. So here’s something that’s on my mind. What’s wrong with the human race? The power of choice is our blessing and our curse. We get comfortable knowing we can choose and we play with it like its armor over our heads. It’s not, its time wasting. It’s a foolish taste of power.

Have you ever thought of life as if you were dying and it’s just a matter of time? I thought of it after I heard an interview on the radio where the interviewee was being asked what he would do if he had 5 days to live. He went ahead to say how he would apologies to a few people and do a few things that he has always wanted to do. I got to wonder, what makes him think he has more days to live?

Life is unpredictable. We didn’t get here by our choice, we all found ourselves here. We don’t know when we will leave and are not 100% sure what happens after, but one thing is for sure, we will all leave. So what now? You have time, you have family, you have friends, and you have loved ones who share this unknown with you. You have a heart. You also have brains, and for some reason, others think they are brainier than the rest even though we were all born the same. So some get out there listening to the pessimists who tell them that they can be nothing more than what they (the pessimists) see. Not what you see. I always insist, before you blurt out a negative word, please be sure to state that it is in your opinion. Last time I checked, nobody wanted to be poor or sad. So why let someone else dictate your future? Others however break out of it. They don’t do the expected. They are not the best in their classes, nor do they work themselves up the ladder in some corporate. They chase their dreams. They desire, they believe and they go for it. I strongly believe nothing can push down a wo/man with the eye on the price.

Human beings are special people. I don’t think I can handle a self help class right now. Only because I think I have heard a lot, not enough but not right now.  I probably know the basics; are you living your best? Are you happy? Will you be legendary?  Many questions that will stir on your mind and if you do nothing about it then nothing changes.  I get that. Fear is a brutal monster. Reality is what we make of it. If only we were not afraid. You have all heard the story of the guy or girl who got their heart broken and they decide not to fall again. Key word, decide. I don’t know why anyone would not choose love.

I am lucky I know what I want to do with my life. I am lucky my parents support it all the way. Not everyone was given a chance to discover themselves; to choose. But we have that chance every single day. You can still do what you have always wanted to do.  Let me say that again, you can still do what you have always wanted to do.

A few questions run through my mind. When was the last time you did something new? When was the last time you made someone smile? When was the last time you went out of your way for someone else? What do you do when no one is watching? Are you happy? Are you loving someone? What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?

What would you do if you had 5 days to live?

of Hip Hop

 I recently re-watched Brown Sugar for the one too many times this weekend. Reminded me just how much hip hop has a place in my heart. I grew up listening to Tupac, Biggie, Nas, Dre, Ice Cube, Wu-tang, Methodman, Redman, Kalamashaka…just to mention but a few. I love hip hop. And it makes sense.

Art can be defined as works produced by human creative skill and imagination. I love all things art. Music, poetry, paintings, photography and dancing. There is something more past the naked eye that blends with art. It’s how we interpret it, individually. It’s how we pass it on, how music says so much in just a few words. How photographs capture moments beyond words. Music for me, is beyond those few words. It’s the expression of emotion in the lyrics, it’s the poetry.

I strongly believe hip hop is poetry. It might be a song dissing someone, a song praising someone or just a show off song. How many times have you taken time to listen to the words? Think of Talib Kweli and Common. They don’t scream on the mic like the new artists… (Meek Mill) because they don’t have to. It’s simple and understood.  Biggie told his life in his music,

 “ 
No heat, wonder why Christmas missed us
Birthdays was the worst days
Now we sip champagne when we thirst-ay”

I love those words. I think we have all been in situations where you couldn’t even afford something and now you choose when to have it or not.

 I am fascinated by Wale right now and the urban type of hip hop that is seriously close to rnb. Drake seems to be in the same category. Its poetic and it sexy.  The 80’s and 90’s artists would have put it crudely… “You must be used to me spending….”  But now we’re hearing words like “Diced pineapple, Tonight you shall reach a height that the sky won’t catch you”…That song I must say has me listening to it over and over with flushed cheeks. Wale blends poetry and hip hop brilliantly. So just a few lyrics of my one of my favorites: Wale ft Rick Ross and Drake…((Maybach music))…just had to

….PG 25 please

“Diced pineapple,
Tonight you shall reach a height that the sky won’t catch you
The highest form of my admiration
And I ain’t no connoisseur but I’m kinda sure you will admire my taste
But before the sun graze ya
I’m tryin’ to see how deep you are
And believe me shorty I ain’t talking about no intimate conversation
I wanna see if I can make you reach things unobtainable
When I peek into your nature
And I promise you my goals will exceed any physical pleasure
I wanna, give you what’s better than better
The better my effort, the wetter her treasure
The more these mere moments seem like heavens or temporary forevers
Shorty get it together
Diced pineapple
May your love come down so my mind might have you
You designed my imagination
Let me redefine foreplay so you need five and
Tell me shorty you got it baby
If it’s not it baby, hope it’s progress baby
Let it all drip baby
If you stop that shaking, no more talking baby, no more talking bab”

 

 

Living, Lost, Love.

A manual is needed. For this life comes with too many surprises

years and years of experiencing emotion in its different clothes

doesn’t seem enough

Its as if God loves to watch us knocking things down, falling and raising up

then doing it again

we never seem to master our fears

we never seem to win when it comes to love

How can something be so simple

and so impossibly hard?

Why don’t we stay as children

living as dictated by our hearts?

Why the anger, jealousy, hatred?

why the fear to tell him that the smile on his lips makes your stomach sing to a thousand beats?

I am lost in life

few moments I pilgrim in my mind, wandering in places that would render me mad

wondering of the air that I breathe, of the oceans I have no control over, of my heart that sells me out even to the unwilling buyer,

yes I wander in my ”madness”

complicated and confused beyond my imagination

I always finally settle

always still for Love

my own thought remedy for all the world’s problems

my own curse

my world habituates two women

one to keep my sanity and the other to play kati with

two strong women fighting over me

the heart always the optimist, believer and giver

the mind always the thinker, strategic and cautious

I understand fear, I embrace it

I understand excitement, I’ve felt it

and I understand  the surprise of the sudden end of it

but as my heart beats

I can only dance to the rhythm

Love wins.

The crowded bar

Smoke,

 A smell I don’t fancy

 Loud music, Laser lights

 It’s dark

Cologne, blending so well with his smell

 Eye contact and side smiles

Drinks and crowds

Circumventing

There are drunken people letting go

 There are sober ones watching, envying

He’s saying something I have to lean closer

Much closer

Tip toe a bit “you look amazing”

My cheeks flush “thank you”

Warm cheeks

I like this crowded bar

We have to talk close

Our cheeks meet

Our eyes talk more

The occasional hand on shoulder

 The brush of my hair behind my ears

 His touch, fingers

His touch, those eyes

His touch, those cheeks I like this crowded bar

 Nobody cares, Nobody’s watching

No more smiling

Just the sound of my heart beat in my ears

 The spotlight of his gaze

 Am lost

Willingly

In this crowded bar

of women

Something has been on my mind the last few weeks….Life must be really good and easier as a man. Let me explain. I think of what life would be if I was a man and I pick out a few things that I would need to succeed in this life. Make enough money to be comfortable, for myself and my family later. Have the brains to not be duped, be confident to know what I want and go after it, work out….This is where your comments-the men- will come in handy.
Let me explain where I am coming from. As a girl, I was told I could not do everything my kid brother did. I had to sit proper especially in skirts, not run around climbing things and injuring myself as often as he did. You see, we are drilled-to early in our childhood to act in a certain way in order to be perceived in a certain way. And that some things are just meant for men. At that time, that innocent age, that didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t understand why.
I think of all society’s forceful rules to women, the worst has been in my adult life as a woman. The rules coming from the many cosmopolitans, the self help books, the Think like a lady movies, the women “advising” you before you get married….I could pull my hair out. A woman is such a complex being. We are practically high on two hormones all the time! You cannot imagine what that comes with. The mood swings, the weird emotions, the over thinking and the fact that we talk so much about so many things even just for the sake of taking…We carry a baby for 9 whole months! 9 months of so many things that I have not had a chance to experience. After those months comes the sleepless nights and the permanent stretch marks (someone tell me they are not permanent). And on top of all that, we have to be submissive, not scream at the man walking into the house drunk in the middle of the night because he can’t stand the baby crying or moody me (as told). We have to cook, clean and you cannot deny the conjugal rights of your husband because listening to classic fm will remind you how there is always someone else willing to give what you are not offering. I am really hoping that’s the worst scenario since again, I do not have firsthand experience.
When was the last time you met a married woman who didn’t tell you tales that would render you a nun? You start to picture yourself in a nunnery praying for the souls of the world than succumb to a life of what looks like total misery. And how come they don’t tell you that s* before? When you’re single most people are asking when are you getting married or having a baby…they don’t tell you what you will go through after and how dearly important it is to be ready. Mentally, physically, financially and most of all….with a +1 who makes you feel like its worth it.
So again I come back to, life is surely better as a man. At least you don’t go through the depressing talks of how to be a slave to your wife. How those ‘aunties’ mince their words that as long as he is providing then be easy….Almost makes me wonder if that means the guy can sneak around with a young thing and do whatever he wants as long us money is in the picture. Another one,  the sex education on how to please a man…blah blah blah. Now that’s some s* I don’t want to hear again. What about the woman? Who gets told how to make her happy? The pastors try, the Bible actually got it right. I read somewhere love isn’t about receiving but giving. And I guess that would only work if its both ways. I think the best person to offer marital advice would be your mother, or someone in your life just as her. As for the rest…..enough said.
I live in a world where I work with men, a world where we have women as presidents. In this world, we are almost equals. I don’t believe we are equals though, I wouldn’t want that anyway. But in this world too, having boobs still makes you inferior to others. And society and the people who love us have not taken time to think about the “advice” they give to young girls, growing teenagers and women. Destroying their self esteem. Making them think they have to act in a certain way to be accepted, to be loved. We are told to lose ourselves and not to discover and build ourselves. They don’t teach us about love. Guess that’s the many of the things they leave for life to teach us. But if only we understood it earlier enough, it would be easier to give and in many ways to someone else since it would come from a good place. And not the size of their wallets, life status nor the fear of losing them.
Imagine hearing in bridal showers how it’s like to be loved by a man…(I suspect though some of the brides-to-be might not show up at the altar after.)
Am a hopeless romantic and optimist. Even with the horror stories I am hearing. I watch life, and eat it with a big spoon. I am more cautious though, there is a lot that is routine that society expects from me that I am sure to rebel against.